We’ve traded our recipe books for i Phones full of networking contacts; we’ve traded early motherhood for corporations. We like you, but we aren’t always so great at showing it. But is it our careers that have conditioned us to express ourselves this way?
We may say things like, “I don’t hate you,” or “You’re okay, I guess.” Don’t be offended by this; we’re just doing our best to say something nice in the unattached ways in which we’ve conditioned ourselves to function.. Are our bosses and colleagues monitoring our bedrooms, warning us not to express too much intimacy for our partners lest somehow the blast of heart-love leaking from our ethereal womanly bodies should cause us to miss our next deadline? When I was 20 and in my final year at NYU -- still a virgin, had never had a boyfriend, having wanted love my entire life and still so confused as to how everyone seemed to get it but me -- one of my classmates was holding court at a table in the student lounge.
Maybe there are less useful things to learn and maybe it has helped me to understand how to seduce a person into giving me what I want, to make them want to give it to me as much as I want to receive it, instead of simply feeling entitled to it, demanding it, or screaming and throwing things about it (which I also did earlier on in that relationship, and if nothing else, shopping for gifts was at least much more pleasant than that).
And since that relationship was so formative and so early on in my sexual/kinky awakening, I can't tell where my service orientation is true to my natural identification as a submissive or where it's just leftover programming my ex put there.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with being emotionally unavailable.
We’re extremely career-driven, goal-oriented and independent. Since we tend to gear towards this path in life — to make our mark and leave the world with a legacy – we also are inevitably emotionally unavailable.Either way, I'm cool with it -- fetishes have had far more fucked-up origins than mine, and anything that turns me on I view as a gift.