I think that feminism is a boon to men like the OP--one who feels and is almost crushed by the awesome responsibility that "men" bear. I can only think that it's a GOOD thing for each person in a coupledom to at times be "the strong one" and at other times be "the weak one". I want him to initiate contact, the first kiss, etc. Controlling says we will go out to dinner even if I am too tired.
I've said it before--the synergy between the two people IS love, as long as you trust your "other" to be there for you when you need it. A leader looks to what is truly best for his followers and not just what he wants.
I'm not so sure it's that difficult, given my "def" of to "lead" a relationship. However, there is a big difference between leading and controlling.
I think it is MUCH harder to be the one who is subject to another's timeline, and that non-leading person is the one who does most of the adjusting. Leading is asking if I would like to go out to dinner, when I come home tired.
That is then being the back seat driver, and as one poster already said, two drivers are not a wise idea.
Ladies, if you love/respect your man, and you believe he loves you, then allow him to have the reins.
I think you should be partners and maybe one person takes the lead on somethings, while the other person runs the show in other aspects.
I think one person leading the whole thing is asking for trouble.
I'm not saying be a dominant tyrant, but a mature, calm, assertive, humble leader. I'm not talking about who initiates the first date or the first kiss, etc; this is an actual relationship. You can start throwing rocks at me and calling me names now. We all have strengths and weaknesses, and a reasonable person will recognize where he is weak and seek input from his partner if she has a strength in his weak area. Too many men are too lazy to care and take the responsibility.Please don't tell him with one side of your mouth " I want you to lead," and then with the other, in effect say, "but I don't trust your lead." That is a sure road to dissolution of the relationship.